AARON KRICKSTEIN POSES FOR EARL'S PEARLS

Aaron’s movie star visage made him a stunning candidate for a photographic portrait. The former sixth ranked tennis player in the world serves as Director of Tennis at a Boca Raton country club and also currently on the Outback Champions Series Over-30 tour where he competes against the likes of John McEnroe, Pete Sampras and Jim Courier.

Click on this line or the link below to view Aaron on the courts.

http://www.stevegtennis.com/2012/08/great-matches-of-the-us-open-part-one/

ONLY THE GOOD DIE

I finally figured out why the world is such a very difficult place in which to live. Have you ever wondered why there are wars, prejudice, widespread criminal activity on high and on low, and a host of other ills that beset our society? Just read the Obituary pages in your local paper (if indeed your local area has a newspaper) and the answer is obvious. Only the good die.

         Every person named in the Obits is either a loving person, a great friend, a caring relative, an esteemed member, a quintessential New Yorker defined by elegance and philanthropy, a gentle man who was kind to his friends and family, a warm, genuine, vivacious and deeply caring person, a wonderful human being, a best friend, a loving mentor, a deeply cherished person, an effective and inspiring leader, a distinguished public servant, etc. 

So only the good die which leaves our world populated with bastards  - - - and until some of the bastards die we’ll still have wars, prejudice, criminal activity ad infinitum.

I’ll know that my children’s and grandchildren’s’ future will be a brighter one once I read that some of the bastards are dying off.

P.S. On January 25, 2013 The New York Times had an obituary that included respected entrepreneur and hot dog connoisseur.

SPYROS SKOURAS DIED ON MY BIRTHDAY

     My morning ritual is to shower and shave and then make my breakfast. I read the New York Times over my toast and coffee, or to be more exact I always read the obituaries first. You know the old joke that a senior citizen reads the obituaries to see of his name is there. Well the other day, fortunately my name wasn’t there, but Spyros Skouras’ name was.

Reading his obituary brought me back to a day in 1945 when I returned to Yale from two and half years in the Air Force. I was lucky enough to be assigned a single room in Pierson, one of the 10 or so “colleges” in which students lived and ate. 

That was a memorable day for me because as I started moving my things into the room a large number of students started to file into the room to say, “Hello”. I was astounded because I didn’t remember ‘Yalies’ as being so friendly. I introduced myself to each person who entered and noticed a surprised look on their faces when I told them my name.

One student put me out of (or into) my misery but announcing that the word was that Spryos Skouras (son of the shipping magnate) was supposed to occupy that room. Imagine their disappointment when no Spyros, and to add insult to injury for some, it was a Jewish student  - - - one of the few allowed in under the University’s quota system.

FREE LUNCH AT IHOP

    You undoubtedly recall that I received a coupon from IHOP to recognize my 87th birthday last week. I love their Swedish pancakes topped with luscious lingonberries so the gift was most appreciated. And to add to my riches I had received a jar of imported lingonberries from the Deena and Alan Cohen as a birthday present.

     Since there was a 7 day limit for the use of the coupon, Judy and I  rushed out to Sunday Brunch with coupon in hand. I decided that it would be insulting to the chef at IHOP to bring my own lingonberries so I went berryless.

      Judy had a Senior Special, two of everything for $5.99, and I ordered the crepes ($7.99). Both dishes were delicious.

     The restaurant was jammed - - - I assumed everyone there had just had a birthday within 7 days.  A waitress bring a balloon to a woman at another table, who was then serenaded with a chorus of "Happy Birthday".  I awaited a similar singing accolade and balloon but none was forthcoming. I felt a little let down, but restrained  myself from making a scene.

    As I paid my check at the cash register I mentioned to the cashier that Mrs. X had gotten a balloon in recognition of her and that I hadn't. She replied with a smile, "We like her better."; but then she reached under the desk and brought forth a beautiful blue balloon and asked if I wanted her to blow it up for me. I thought awhile and then decided to leave well enough alone.

GERMAN VISITORS

     In the past few weeks about 40% of the visitors to Earl's Pearls have come from Germany. I welcome them but can't for the life of me figure out how they found my Blog and what attracted them to this site.

     I'd be interested in finding the answer to this "rätsel"and I'd appreciate it if anyone from Germany would post a Comment or send me an E-mail with an explanation.

Auf Wiedersehen

IS THE MAN PROMOTING "REVERSE MORTGAGES" FULL OF BOLOGNA

Please excuse my ‘corny’ play on words in the title of this story but as this tale unfolds you’ll see it’s a fit description of the events that transpired at the seminar I attended yesterday.

My last book, “The Adventures Of A Free Lunch Junkie” which I published almost two years ago was a satiric description of my attendance at 50 seminars offering free lunches, dinners and breakfasts from Miami Beach to Palm Beach. I really enjoyed doing the research for this book, not just for the free food but also because each event turned out to be very entertaining.

And so when I received an invitation in the mail last week to attend a free lunch seminar at Ben’s Delicatessen, which is just down the road, I couldn’t kick the habit. The dream of an over sized pastrami sandwich on rye with a dab of mustard was like a taste of white powder to a junkie. 

I called to make a registration and thankfully there was still room for me on January 17th. 

OUTSIDE OF BEN'S DELICATESSEN

      It wasn’t all ‘cakes and ale’ because I had been to this very same promoter’s Reverse Mortgage Seminar in 2010 and I was afraid Dave would recognize me as I entered the private dining area at Ben’s at 12:00 pm sharp. But he greeted me with a big smile and open arms and provided me with a brochure packed with scads of information about Reverse Mortgages.

I entered the room, took a seat at a table for six, and eagerly scanned the Special Menu that stared up at me from the white paper place mat on the table. My heart sank, my stomach gurgled. The closest thing on the menu to one of Ben’s famous over sized pastrami sandwiches was a bologna and egg sandwich. I was reminded of my foray in May 2010 into Dave’s seminar at The Cheesecake Factory when I had visions of a platter of fried chicken, with biscuits and gravy topped off with a large slice of their fabulous cheesecake and wound up with a chopped salad. How could I trust what Dave has to say about Reverse Mortgages after being disappointed so bitterly on two occasions.

My disposition was softened since the menu included a bowl of matzo ball soup and garlic pickles. A waiter took my soup and sandwich order, but when I asked for Dr. Brown’s cream soda the waitress told  me only fountain drinks were available. Strike two, Dave.

But I’m a bigger man than Dave and I decided to listen to his spiel with an open mind, and a half empty stomach.

The man next to me coughed. Then he coughed again. It’s flu season and the last thing in the world I need is to catch it. I immediately got up and joined two ladies at a nearby table. One of them greeted me with a cough. “Have you just had the flu?” I asked. “Yes”, she smilingly replied, “but I’m over it.” 

At my third table the occupants seemed healthy enough so I sat back to listen to the lecture wondering how long it would be before lunch was served. Well, it wasn’t until 2:00 pm that the embarrassed sandwich made its late appearance and for the better part of two hours I had to listen to why a Reverse Mortgage was the best thing since “chopped liver”.

IT'S ONE THIRTY AND AS YOU CAN SEE
THERE'S NOTHING ON THE TABLE TO EAT

I won’t bore you with the details of Dave’s presentation. As the minutes ticked by it was difficult to tell which of the 30 some odd senior citizens where there to get information or a free sandwich. As the hungry crowd grew more restless Dave promised, “The food should be walking through the door any second”.

At 1:35 pm a murmur went through the room as the waiters entered with bowls of pickles for each table. Ben’s sour pickles are “to die for”.

At 1:40 pm the rye bread entered.

At 1:45 pm the creamy cole slaw made its appearance.

At 1:49 pm bowls of soup (matzo ball or mushroom and barley) hit the tables and were eagerly slurped up.

At 1:54 pm Dave started going around the room with an appointment book in hand to try and get the guests to make a definite appointment to have him come to their house to find out more about the program and hopefully sign up for a mortgage. I told him to call me next week. I wonder if you ask Dave to come to your house if you have to provide lunch. Some people made appointments but it was impossible to tell how many did. 

Dave never once mentioned how much his fee was for arranging the mortgage, but in the Q. & A., after much hemming and hawing, he told me it would be about $8,000 for a $600,000 mortgage. Come on Dave, eight thousand dollars would buy an awful lot of overstuffed pastrami sandwiches.

At 1:54 pm the waiters brought around empty plastic bowls for the guests to take uneaten food home “for later”.

At 2:04 pm the main course arrived. My bologna and egg sandwich made its appearance.

       I ate half and took half home for the cat - - - who devoured it. Perhaps he’d be interested in a Reverse Mortgage.

All in all it was two hours well spent. My table mates were convivial and the food was fine, if a bit disappointing. I won’t let Dave in my house, not because he isn’t a nice man , but because  I can tell he’s a bulldog and I could never get him to leave.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

TODAY'S MY 87th.

     At 7 o'clock this morning, when I opened my emails, there was a birthday greeting from my friends at IHOP along with a gift certificate good for a free breakfast of my favorite crepes with cottage cheese.

    At 11:30 am I'm being taken out to lunch by my old friend Maury Fulton. We go to Neiman Marcus every January 18th and I love their hot popovers.

     At 5:30 pm we're going to Deena and Alan Cohen's house for dinner. She's a great cook and she's preparing my traditional birthday dinner of steak, lima beans and baked potato - - - with angel food cake and coffee ice cream for dessert.

      And all I have to do is leave a reasonable tip at IHOP.

WHAT A DAY!

P.S. I forgot to take a camera to Neiman's so I had this photo taken with my cell phone just to prove that I was having a popover.

Maury also was kind enough to also bring me a birthday gift. He said I didn't need to open it until I got home, but I couldn't wait. Now I know why he wanted me to wait. It was a bedside alarm clock; but when I tried to set the time nothing happened.  I guess the battery was dead. Since we're going out to dinner tonight perhaps I'll just re-wrap it and bring it along as a house gift.

P.P.S. The gifts keep rolling in. Yesterday I attended a Free Lunch Seminar and I'm in the process of writing it up for my Blog. While I was out  today one of the speakers at the luncheon called  and Judy took the message. They offered me a free Power of Attorney.  It's sure my lucky day.

BEEF WELLINGTON FIT FOR AN EARL

P.P.P.S. My birthday dinner more than lived up to my expectations and ended the day on a high note. Deena Cohen outdid herself preparing my traditional meal of steak, lima beans and potatoes. Here's some photos of my hosts,  the beautiful table setting and Mr. Wellington's beef. 

KING FOR A DAY

FOUR STAR CHEF

FOUR STAR HOST

PHOTOGRAPHY - THEN AND NOW

On my thirteenth birthday I received an Argus C3 35 mm camera as a bar mitzvah present along with 30 fountain pens. The camera turned out to be a life changing gift some 50 years or so later.

I had never taken a picture in my first thirteen years but the Argus changed that. I taught myself how to take pictures (mostly portraits) and how to develop black and white negatives into lovely 8x10 enlargements in the bathroom/darkroom I shared with my younger brother.

When I was sixteen I took photos of the counselors at summer camp and sold them for 25 cents apiece. I made enough money to buy a Speed Graphic camera which I used to take pictures for my high school and college newspapers.

Then there was a hiatus of several  decades until someone had a slideshow of pictures he had taken. The camera bug struck again. Judy bought a Leica outfit for me and I spent years taking travel photos on our annual vacation trips. I used slide film and printed the best shots in a Cibachrome color darkroom I set up, first in a studio in NYC, then in an upstairs closet in out first home when we moved to Boca Raton, and then in the studio space I took in a nearby warehouse facility.

I also used a panoramic camera on our trips and  I sold the oversized slide film through a stock agency; with one picture of the Taj Mahal receiving world-wide attention (and copying) on the Internet.

Now as my 87th birthday approaches in a few days I’m back to square one; taking portraits of friends. The only difference is that 71 years ago I charged 25 cents for an 8x10 and now I give them away.

THE REST OF THIS BLOG IS DIRECTED AT MY FRIENDS ON THE ST. ANDREWS TENNIS TEAM WHO I HAVE ENJOYED PHOTOGRAPHING THESE PAST FEW WEEKS.

IF THEY GO TO THE LINK BELOW (ON SHUTTERFLY) THEY CAN VIEW MANY OF THESE PHOTOGRAPHS:

                          http://standrewstennis.shutterfly.com/pictures#n_5

If you need a password to sign in just email me.

JUST CAN CLICK ON ANY PHOTO IN THE SLIDESHOW TO ENLARGE IT.

HERE'S ONE OF THE PHOTOGRAPHS:

A TAUCK TOUR TO HELL

I am Jewish, but not observant. I feel a deep kinship to Jews who have suffered religious persecution down through the ages and particularly to those who endured the Holocaust. 

My mother was born 75 miles north of Warsaw, but escaped the Russian pogroms when she was eight by riding with her mother in the back of a horse-drawn hay wagon (under the straw) to a North Sea port where they traveled in steerage for the difficult passage across the ocean. Her father had left earlier, and after having established himself in Brooklyn, sent money for Belle’s and Ida’s passage. I don’t know what members of the family may have stayed and what might have happened to them.

I’ve always wanted to put my feet on Polish soil and particularly to visit Auschwitz to pay tribute to those who suffered and died there. That’s why we signed up for a Tauck tour of Central and Eastern Europe, and a few months later wound up at the infamous gate to Auschwitz.

ARBIET MACHT FREI

(W O R K   B R I N G S  F R E E D O M)

As we passed through the entrance to the former Nazi concentration camp, and present day memorial and museum, I burst into tears. It was going to be a difficult afternoon. We split into two groups and a young woman, whose family had suffered at the hands of the Nazis, led our section into the camp (each of us clutching a white rose that we were given to lay wherever we wanted).
    We trudged through the villanous gate at the entrance to the camp and then from building to building. We listened in silence as our guide emotionally described the shocking sights that passed before our eyes: 

the wall where Jews were lined up and shot, 

the ovens, 

vast collections of eyeglasses, shoes, 
              utensils, human hair, 
           valises (bearing the names of the owners) 

and the buildings where Dr. Josef Mengele conducted his abominable experiments on adults and children.

We were shown the Commandant’s house where he lived with his wife and their children who amused themselves by playing outside on the killing grounds. He met his fate after the war ––– the stark gallows on the grounds of Auschwitz bearing silent testimony to his demise.

If going through Auschwitz was difficult, visiting Bierkenau was even more so. This nearby camp’s ovens cremated the gassed remains of hundreds of thousands of women, men and children. I was too tired, physically and emotionally, to walk to the outlying buildings. I’d seen captured Nazi films taken in these barracks showing skin and bones figures lying on triple–decker wooden beds and the sight haunted me.

I sat on the very railroad tracks that brought people into the camp some sixty odd years ago and tried to imagine what it might have been like to be herded into a box car, travelling for days without food or water, without knowing what lay ahead, and finally passing over these tracks to the unloading platform area a hundred yards ahead.

       I picked up a stone from the ground to take home and have it placed on my gravesite.

HOW TO GET A FREE BREAKFAST – PART II > From Toyota to IHOP to SWEET TOMATOES to Neiman Marcus

       Last week I told my readers how to get a free breakfast at their Toyota dealer. Well, that “freebie” was only for bagels, cream cheese and coffee. Here’s the ‘whole enchilada’:

If you’d love to enjoy a breakfast consisting of 2 eggs, 2 bacon strips, 2 pork sausages links, and 2 buttermilk pancakes topped with delicious red-ripe strawberries - - - and not have to pay a red cent - - - just join IHOP’s ONLINE CLUB and they’ll send you a coupon on your birthday.      
     If your birthday is too many months away, just pick an earlier date - - - they’ll never know the difference.

My 87th birthday is next week and I’m going to celebrate that morning under the blue-tiled-roof of this worldwide pancake emporium. I bet the restaurant will be full up with other Capricorns. Here’s what the coupon looked like :

P.S. Just after I finished writing this post I received the following E-mail:

Dear Earl,

     They say it's your birthday! And what better way to celebrate it than with us. (After all, if you eat healthy, you just might live longer.)

     To celebrate this special occasion, just print this email and bring it in to receive your Free Meal!

Enjoy,

      Now, it just so happens that SWEET TOMATOES is my favorite restaurant. It’s buffet style all-u-can eat salad bar serves as fine a salad as any restaurant in Boca. And what better way to spend my birthday next week, after enjoying a free breakfast at IHOP, would be to have lunch at SWEET TOMATOES.

  Unfortunately, SWEET TOMATOES’ offer is a bit on the chintzy side, as you only get a free mail if you buy another meal at the same time, AND you have to buy two beverages. 

This half-assed free offer presents a conflict. I usually have my birthday lunch with my old friend, Maury Fulton. We go to Neiman Marcus, sit at the bar, enjoy those piping hot popovers and he picks up the tab.

   So, I’m going to pass up SWEET TOMATOES’ parsimonious proffer and have lunch with Maury.

To cap off the day, our friend, Deena Cohen (Alan's better half), is going to prepare my traditional birthday meal of steak, baked potatoes and lima beans.

I CAN’T WAIT FOR MY 87TH BIRTHDAY.

HOW TO GET A FREE BREAKFAST

My latest book, “The Adventurers Of A Free Lunch Junkie” has touched a responsive chord among those seeking ways to stretch their budgets as it described how I had 50 lunches and dinners “on the house” at restaurants such as Ruth’s Chris, Morton’s etc. 

While it might be stretching it a bit to call the book a runaway bestseller, I have sold more copies on Amazon than I have given away. Therefore, I decided to add a breakfast edition. Would you like to know how to start off the morning with a smile on your face, a full stomach, and not have to open your wallet? I can hear the resounding, “Yeahs” all the way to Boca Raton.

I must admit I stumbled on my first breakfast ‘freebie’, but that doesn’t diminish its value. The brakes on my Toyota Matrix (2006 model with 22,000 miles) started to act up so I drove to my Toyota dealer. The showroom and service department are gleaming edifices and you can tell they overcharge on everything in order to be able to shell out so many bucks on this automotive palace. 

I left my car with Tim, a pleasant service attendant, and told him my car’s problem. He replied that it would be an hour before they would have my car diagnosed. I didn’t mind the wait because I remembered that they serve free bagels, cream cheese and coffee to the waiting disabled-car owners. I don’t know how many bagels I ate but I was trying to get ahead of the game before the bill came. 

An hour later Tim reported that the brakes were OK but would need replacement very soon and that it might be best to get it done now. The mechanics had taken all the wheels off and checked everything. Since I don’t plan to use the car very much I told him that I’d wait awhile. He said, “Fine” and that my car would be ready in 20 minutes, which gave me just enough time to get another bagel and coffee.

I felt like the man on death row who ate a hearty meal as he awaited the executioner, as I tried to guess how much I’d be on the hook for. At the Cashier’s Desk the young woman printed out a sheet for me to sign. The total bill came to zero. Yes, there wasn’t any charge for all that work. You might wonder whether I felt guilty about all the food I had eaten. Well, in this business there isn’t any room for guilt.

So now whenever you feel like a free breakfast take your car in to your nearest Toyota dealer and make up a story about something being wrong with your car. 

       Bon appétit.

NEIMAN MARCUS HELPS YOU COME OUT OF THE CLOSET

TO: OBAMA, BOEHNER & ALL CONGRESSMAN: 

I have the solution to all our country’s problems about the “financial cliff” and the budget deficit. Those guys in Washington just can’t seem to work together so I’m submitting a foolproof (and I use the word advisedly) solution.

First, let’s tackle the question of corporate tax rates. Almost all of the major U.S. corporations pay either zero federal income taxes to Un-cle Sam or pay much less than the stated tax rates because they “cook” their books to show that their earnings come mostly from their overseas subsidiaries. General Electric pays “zip”; Apple pays very little. Everyone knows it’s just an accounting gimmick to over-allocate income to their overseas subsidiaries and over-allocate overhead expenses to the U.S. parent company. It’s taught in Accounting 101. 

This country’s problem is JOBS and part of my solution is to require every major U.S. corporation to hire American workers (and train them if necessary) based upon a ratio of what tax rate they actually pay compared to the stated rate. I’ll leave the math to those more qualified. This alone should bring the Unemployment Rate down a few percentage points.

My second solution is unique, perhaps quixotic I admit, but I believe it has merit and it is painless for all concerned. Basically, the gov-ernment should pressure the super wealthy to SPEND MORE MONEY EACH YEAR. They can spend it anything they want, preferably on U.S. goods and services. This will shovel enormous sums into out economy and create jobs. I know naysayers will retort that the super rich already have everything and ask what additional could they buy. Well that’s their problem. * 

IF THEY BUY, OTHERS WILL HAVE JOBS.

Conspicuous consumption will be a badge of honor.

If they don’t spend a certain amount each year, based on the amount of their wealth (including offshore accounts) then they will be subject to an additional tax. If they pay a lower income tax effective rate than Warren Buffet’s secretary or than Joe the Plumber they have to spend even more.

My third solution is to prohibit mergers and acquisitions for one year, because one of the main drivers of the merger craze is to combine entities and fire “excess” employees. I know about this personally because my position at an acquired company was deemed excess (after 17 years of service) and I was fired. George Romney’s Bain Capital, and others of that ilk, can take a one-year respite from acquiring and firing. George and his act-a-likes can spend the year spending their money to comply with my second suggestion, and we’ll kill two birds with one stone.

I assume that since the circulation of my Blog has grown so much that at the very least one of my readers is on a first name basis with Barack, John, Paul, Joe, Nancy or that guy in the Senate, and that person will forward this list of suggestions to them. I’m keeping my phone line clear.

* After I had finished writing this story I happened to come across an article in a glossy Boca fashion and style magazine directed towards upper income families. Whereas, I had stated that “let the very rich find their own ways to spend more money” I can’t resist coming up with one suggestion for them from the pages of this magazine. Neiman Marcus has teamed up with a few hotels to provide a service for incoming guests so they won’t have to take their own clothes and accessories with them when they travel. The guest just fills out a questionnaire prior to arrival as to sizes, body type, likes and dislikes (including answering questions such as, “Do you like to take fashion risks?) and Neiman stocks their closet with everything from shoes to bags to clothes to anything else from the store their little hearts might desire. The guest can purchase any of the items or have them returned. The closet service is available for men and women. This is another version of “coming out of the closet”.   In case you don't believe me:

STEPHANE'S RESTAURANT VS. STEAK 'n SHAKE - PART II

You may remember reading my Blog on January 1, 2013 that described Judy’s and my New Year’s Eve dinner at Stéphane’s upscale restaurant. To recap, we suffered through servings of cold French fries and unsavory creamed spinach. I ended the review with a comment that I had received a coupon from Steak ‘n Shake for a free burger and fries and that I would check out how the two eating establishments com-pared. I am a proud member of their Online Club and the president of the Club sent this coupon to me for my upcoming birthday.

So good to my word, I drove to the nearest Steak ‘n Shake yesterday in almost breathless anticipation. As I entered the black and white tiled fast food parlor an elderly woman greeted me and showed me to a choice table by the window, which faced the parking lot. I don’t mean to make a value judgment but this hostess was a far cry from the trim young ladies who greeted us at Stépane’s and whose dresses were so tight they could hardly walk. 

My waitress was a very pleasant woman (Dorothy) who checked my coupon and said I was entitled to a free order of a, “Double Steak-burger with cheese and fries”. (On the menu this was a $3.99 item.) I decided to spring for a glass of ice tea ($1) so that I wouldn’t appear to be a “cheapskate” to Dorothy. I asked her if they had creamed spinach (to compare with our New Year’s Eve serving) and she looked at me as if I were a man from Mars so I decided not to press the point.

The restaurant was only partially full with customers who were dressed in very casual attire, befitting the time of day and the venue.

As I sipped the ice tea ($1), which was every bit as good as the $3 version I was served on New Years Eve, I eagerly awaited the French fries. WOULD THEY BE HOT OR COLD? I won’t leave you in suspense any longer - - - they were hot and tasty. I had Dorothy take this photo of me to memorialize the moment. 

From left to right: Earl Bronsteen, burger, hot fries, ice tea

I was sort of hoping that, since the restaurant personnel knew that this was my birthday, they’d surprise me with a slice of cake bedecked with candles and served by a group of singing waitresses, but I guess that’s expecting too much.

I always have trouble deciding how much to tip when I use a coupon. Even if I sprang for 40% of the total check ($1 ice tea plus 6% tax) perhaps Dorothy would think that was insufficient, especially since I had troubled her to take my photograph. I thought about waiting until I saw how much the man at a nearby table tipped, since I saw he had also presented a coupon. I finally made a decision and Dorothy and I will have to live with it.

On the way out I wished a Happy Birthday greeting to my fellow coupon holder as I passed by. 

You won’t believe how this story ends. When I got home I checked my email and, no I didn’t win the lottery, but there was an-other free coupon from Steak ‘n Shake in honor of their 75th anniversary. I can’t wait, but I’d prefer to go on a day that Dorothy isn’t work-ing.

P.S. The story didn’t end there (much as you wish it might have) as I had a coupon that was burning a hole in my pocket for $4 off per person at our favorite restaurant, Kyojin Grill. And that very same evening off we went for an unparalled freeloading double-header. And then, like manna falling from heaven, as I paid the check, our waitress gave me another coupon. 

COMPARISON CHART STEPHANE’S VS STEAK ’N SHAKE

STEPHANE’S          STEAK ’N SHAKE

Price of burger/fries	$16.00	$3.95
Price of ice tea	$ 3.00	$1.00
Are coupons available?	NO	YES
Are mussels available?	Yes & 2 for 1 on Mondays	No way
Quality of creamed spinach	N.G.	N/A
Décor of restaurant	Casual elegant	Casual antiseptic
Décor of hostesses	Slinky	Stinky
Table settings	Tableclothes/napkins, gleaming silverware	Paper place mat, silver- ware in paper napkin
View	None	Parking lot
Parking	Valet	Free self service
Service	Excellent	Excellent
Open for breakfast?	NO	Yes, with all U-can-eat pancakes at $3.99
Liquor license	Yes	No
Milkshakes	No	YES
AND THE WINNER IS		✔

Just kidding Stéphane. If you send me a free coupon I'll give you a better review.