TO: OBAMA, BOEHNER & ALL CONGRESSMAN:
I have the solution to all our country’s problems about the “financial cliff” and the budget deficit. Those guys in Washington just can’t seem to work together so I’m submitting a foolproof (and I use the word advisedly) solution.
First, let’s tackle the question of corporate tax rates. Almost all of the major U.S. corporations pay either zero federal income taxes to Un-cle Sam or pay much less than the stated tax rates because they “cook” their books to show that their earnings come mostly from their overseas subsidiaries. General Electric pays “zip”; Apple pays very little. Everyone knows it’s just an accounting gimmick to over-allocate income to their overseas subsidiaries and over-allocate overhead expenses to the U.S. parent company. It’s taught in Accounting 101.
This country’s problem is JOBS and part of my solution is to require every major U.S. corporation to hire American workers (and train them if necessary) based upon a ratio of what tax rate they actually pay compared to the stated rate. I’ll leave the math to those more qualified. This alone should bring the Unemployment Rate down a few percentage points.
My second solution is unique, perhaps quixotic I admit, but I believe it has merit and it is painless for all concerned. Basically, the gov-ernment should pressure the super wealthy to SPEND MORE MONEY EACH YEAR. They can spend it anything they want, preferably on U.S. goods and services. This will shovel enormous sums into out economy and create jobs. I know naysayers will retort that the super rich already have everything and ask what additional could they buy. Well that’s their problem. *
IF THEY BUY, OTHERS WILL HAVE JOBS.
Conspicuous consumption will be a badge of honor.
If they don’t spend a certain amount each year, based on the amount of their wealth (including offshore accounts) then they will be subject to an additional tax. If they pay a lower income tax effective rate than Warren Buffet’s secretary or than Joe the Plumber they have to spend even more.
My third solution is to prohibit mergers and acquisitions for one year, because one of the main drivers of the merger craze is to combine entities and fire “excess” employees. I know about this personally because my position at an acquired company was deemed excess (after 17 years of service) and I was fired. George Romney’s Bain Capital, and others of that ilk, can take a one-year respite from acquiring and firing. George and his act-a-likes can spend the year spending their money to comply with my second suggestion, and we’ll kill two birds with one stone.
I assume that since the circulation of my Blog has grown so much that at the very least one of my readers is on a first name basis with Barack, John, Paul, Joe, Nancy or that guy in the Senate, and that person will forward this list of suggestions to them. I’m keeping my phone line clear.
* After I had finished writing this story I happened to come across an article in a glossy Boca fashion and style magazine directed towards upper income families. Whereas, I had stated that “let the very rich find their own ways to spend more money” I can’t resist coming up with one suggestion for them from the pages of this magazine. Neiman Marcus has teamed up with a few hotels to provide a service for incoming guests so they won’t have to take their own clothes and accessories with them when they travel. The guest just fills out a questionnaire prior to arrival as to sizes, body type, likes and dislikes (including answering questions such as, “Do you like to take fashion risks?) and Neiman stocks their closet with everything from shoes to bags to clothes to anything else from the store their little hearts might desire. The guest can purchase any of the items or have them returned. The closet service is available for men and women. This is another version of “coming out of the closet”. In case you don't believe me:
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