HEADLINES FROM AROUND THE GLOBE 12/14/12

REFORMA, a leading Mexican newspaper reported (in Spanish which Earl’s Pearls multi-lingual staff has translated into English) that the Philip Morris Company is secretly building a huge cigarette manufacturing plant in Northern Mexico to produce marijuana cigarettes. Permits for construction of the plant were obtained through the good offices of the same middlemen who helped Wal-Mart obtain permits for its stores in Mexico. An advertising agency has started work creating a worldwide program to establish the name, “Tijuana Gold By PM”. 

   Philip Morris officials refused to comment on the story. Their press representative was last seen walking unsteadily from a Short Range Planning Committee Meeting with a smile on her face and trailing a cloud of pungent, sweet and sour smoke.

世界新聞網-北美華文新聞、華商資訊, a leading Chinese daily, reported that Xi Jinping, the head of the Communist Party, promised the Chinese people that there will be a Peking Duck in every pot by the year 2016.  In the commodities markets duck futures rose 20% and it was rumored that relatives of Xi Jinping made a killing on the news. In the provinces, large bands of wild ducks were seen flying toward Tibet.

HAIR SPRAY NEWS reported today that Donald Trump was going to make a major announcement in the next few days. Industry sources speculated that “The Donald” would announce that since no one claimed the $5 million he offered for proof of Obama’s birth prior to the November Presidential Election the money had been burning a hole in the pockets of his custom-made Seville Row trousers and that he would take that money and open a chain of Men’s Hairstyle Salons around the world.

   This has been rumored for quite awhile but sources close to the multi-millionaire believe this would be a good time for him to try and overcome the bad press he received over both his political attack on the president and his statement on TV that, “In all my life I have never met anyone I like as much as myself.”

HEADLINES FROM OTHER NEWS MEDIA 12/12/12

HILLARY CLINTON WILL “SLEEP ON IT”

     The New York Times reported that Secretary of State and former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is scheduled to leave position in the Obama administration soon after January 1, 2013.  A Times reporter interviewed Secretary of State Clinton’s secretary (and close confidant) and learned that Clinton is expected to take her time making a decision about running for president in 2016. “She’s going to sleep on it” her secretary opined and winked as she concluded, “and the ‘it’ isn’t her hubby.”

CLINT EASTWOOD HIRES AGENT

     VARIETY reported that Clint Eastwood has had to resort to hiring an agent to obtain speaking engagements ever since his appearance at The Republican National Convention when he carried on a conversation with an empty chair. 

Mr. Eastwood was quoted in the newspaper as saying, “Even the National Rifle Association won’t touch me with a ten foot bazooka.”

     The agent, who spoke only on condition that his name not be used, reported that his agency had also made overtures to the Defense Contractors Association, The Tea Party, KOCH Industries and the Furniture Manufacturers Association among others.

   The agent told the reporter that Eastwood blamed the fiasco at the Republican National Convention on his former co-star Clyde, the orangutan, who Clint said was supposed to be at the convention and sit in the chair. “Clyde forgot about the appointment, ” Clint said wistfully.

     VARIETY was unable to contact Clyde to verify this assertion.

SPIRIT AIR TO INTRODUCE COIN OPERATED PAY TOILETS ON ALL OF ITS LONGER FLIGHTS

     Air Transport News reported that Spirit Airlines, an industry leader in cutting costs and passenger comfort, will announce on Christmas Day that all of its jetliners will have coin-operated pay toilets installed on all its flights of over one hour.

    Air Transport News contacted all the other major air carriers and learned that they have adopted a, “Wait and Pee attitude”.

    To soften the blow a bit, Spirit’s CEO added that all passengers who have purchased upgraded seating will receive one free token. He scoffed at the rumor that passengers would have to bring aboard their own toilet tissue. “Just because we put an end to free carry-on-bags doesn’t mean we don’t have a heart,” the executive  added.

GUEST CONTRIBUTOR PERIPATETIC ARTIST ROBIN BRISKER

      I’ve always wanted to use the word ‘peripatetic’ since I first heard the word in college some 70 years ago, but I’ve never had the opportunity before. My friend, artist Robin Brisker, is a prime example of someone who travels a lot following his artistic bent. He has set up a studio or exhibited in 10 different countries and 4 different cities in the U.S. (And that’s after attending 12 different schools in 12 years while he was growing up.)

    He spent most of the past 10 years working in New Zealand but in April 2012 opened a studio in Delray Beach, Florida. I’m not sure where he’ll be by the time I finish this article so I suggest you hurry up to see his studio at Artists Alley, 350 N.E. 4th St., Delray Beach,FL

(310) 595-4304. Then again don’t worry if you don’t live close enough to visit his studio he’ll probably be in your city or country in the not too distant future.

 
  

Robin describes his painting style as spanning from a strong Braque/ Picasso cubist influence to the whimsical feel of Calder and Klee. 

Kurt Schwitters was his collage inspiration.

    His work has been collected by Miles Davis, Madonna, Jamie Wyeth, Amy Irving, and artist's Dan Rizzie and Tony Fitzpatrick.

    And he’s a first class tennis player. That I can vouch for first hand.

    You can check out his work at his website: rbrisker.com  Here are some examples of his work:

Work Desk

Balancing Act

Traffic in L.A.

Les Halles

Martini

  

THAT'S THE SPIRIT

   The airline industry’s prestigious “THAT’S THE SPIRIT” award is presented each December at the association’s black tie dinner at The Waldorf Astoria Ballroom in New York City. The award is named, not as you might think after Charles Lindberg’s ‘Spirit of St. Louis’, but after Spirit Airlines in recognition of its leadership in reducing passenger comfort while at the same time raising prices.

      The award’s first recipient was Charles Odlum of Spirit Airlines for coming up with the idea of charging passengers for their carry-on bags. While other airlines at first scoffed at the idea, the nay-sayers were proved wrong and the practice has become universal, bringing in millions of dollars of revenue to the airline industry and increased pay for its CEO’s.

    The award’s second recipient was Charles Odlum of Spirit Airlines for coming up with the idea of charging passengers for the use of a blanket or pillow during their flight. He also devised the scheme of having the pilots of Spirit’s planes let more cold air into the cabins so that passengers would be more likely to rent-a-blanket.

    The award’s third recipient was Charles Odlum of Spirit Airlines for his suggestion that airlines no longer provide free meals to passengers, which quickly became an industry standard. This move threw thousands of the airlines’ kitchen employees out of work, including the chefs, all of whom had trouble finding employment as chefs anywhere else, for rather obvious reasons.

    This year’s award will be presented to Charles Odlum of Spirit Airlines for his idea of charging a premium for certain seats on the plane. At the same he advocated providing less legroom for every other seat, which had the double-barrel effect of inducing more passengers to upgrade, while squeezing in a few more seats on each already-crowded airliner.

     It will surprise no one in the star-studded audience if, on Christmas Day, Mr. Odlum makes his long-awaited announcement that Spirit Airlines has installed coin-operated pay toilets on all its jetliners.

   Mr. Odlum’s proposal to the FAA that Spirit Airlines be allowed to sell standing room on its shorter flights is still under consideration.

    In his acceptance speech, advance copies of which were made available to this Blog, Mr. Odlum thanked his peers in the industry for following his lead in reducing passenger comfort, raising prices and increasing profits. Once scoffed at for his ‘pillow and blanket’ approach to increasing profits, his ideas are now eagerly adopted by the major airlines.

   He chided the CEO’s of the two airlines that didn’t charge passengers for their checked baggage as “traitors” and lambasted those passengers who complained that their checked bags spent the night at a different city than the passenger as “troublemakers and probably Muslims or illegals.”

    At the close of his speech Odlum uttered his favorite expression, “I never met a passenger I didn’t want to screw!” which brought the black-tied crowd to its feet with a roar that could be heard on Park Avenue.

YOU HAVE A FRIEND AT BANK OF AMERICA

      It’s that time of year again, Ho! HO! HO! which means Judy and I go through our annual ‘song and dance routine’ about my going to our bank to get money to give out as Xmas gifts to the many people who have helped us doing the year. As usual, Judy admonished me to get ‘new bills’ and Xmas envelopes to hold the bills. As usual, I told her that Bank America stopped giving out those nice little red and green envelopes years ago. As usual, Judy told me to ask for them.

     I resignedly put my head down and headed out the door, but first I had to load the car with six packages to take to the Post Office. These packages contain  the Victorian photo albums I  sold on EBay this past week - - - the heaviest weighed in at 8 pounds 3 ounces. Because of my difficulty in walking I always use a cane  but with this load I switched to my walker, and stacked the packages on the walker and then loaded them into the car.

     At the Post Office I loaded up the walker and was unlucky enough to have arrived when the line extended out the door with people doing their Xmas gift mailing early. It took about 25 minutes and I was at the head of the line.      

     “Next” the young lady in her grey postal uniform called out and I wheeled my load to her desk. One by one I picked up each parcel and placed it on the table to be weighed and stamped. The lady apologized for the long wait, which in of itself was quite a shock. (It will be a snowy day in Florida before a doctor apologizes for keeping a patient waiting an hour or more.)

     As I lifted the last and heaviest parcel onto the scale the postal lady asked, “Where’s your wife? Why isn’t SHE doing this? I laughed. “She’s playing bridge,” I responded.

     Then, my transaction completed, I wheeled the empty walker back to car and set off to Bank of America to finish my chores for the day. The line was a bit shorter here and I asked the young teller in her red, blue and white uniform for tens and fives in, “new bills, please.”

     After she counted out my money I asked her if she had any Xmas envelopes to hold the gifts. She answered, “I told you last year that Bank of America stopped giving out those envelopes years ago.”

     HO! HO!, HO!

A GIFT FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS

      

      Did you know that Hugh Hefner just announced that he and PLAYBOY centerfold model Cynthia Harris will tie the knot this New Year's Eve? It will mark Hugh's third marriage and multi-thousandth copulation. From the grin on Hugh's face you can only wonder where Cynthia's other hand is.

     EARL'S PEARLS  has learned that Cynthia's wedding present to her hubby will be an unusual gift, but one that may bring a great amount of satisfaction to future generations of nubile females. Do you happen to remember that after Ted William's death,  the head of the renowned Boston Red Sox outfielder was frozen and suspended in liquid nitrogen in case scientists in future years learn how to use frozen bodies or body parts? Cynthia has contracted with the very same Arizona facility and upon Hefner's death his vital "body part"will be frozen.

     What a combination that would make. Ted's head and Hugh's penis.

GUEST CONTRIBUTOR - DANCER TAMALYN DALLAL

    Tamalyn Dallal is an interpretive Middle Eastern dancer who I met some years ago when I wandered into her dance studio in Miami Beach. Those were the days when I roamed the streets of South Beach with my Leica in one hand and my digital movie camera in the other searching for sights to photograph. Tamalyn agreed to pose for me and I created a life-sized photo sculpture that I displayed in my studio.

     She has dedicated the past 36 years of her life to dance, as a performer, teacher, writer, filmmaker and producer and travels the world in search of the meaning and special qualities of dance and movement. Much of her inspiration comes from living among people in different cultures, from Asia to Africa, the Middle East and Latin America.  The dancer has performed and/or taught in 41 countries and has performed for stars such as Sean Connery, Michael Jackson and James Brown, the president of El Salvador, Saudi Arabian princes, and the King of Jordan.

     Tamalyn was crowned "Miss America of the Belly dance" in 1995 and has written three books, produced two music CD's of Africa's oldest band and currently films ethnological dance documentaries.

      I strongly suggest you go to her her website:
                    http://www.tamalyndallal.com/apps/videos/

and view her interpretative dance videos.

Little Egypt  1893

     "Belly dancing" is a misnomer that has stuck as an umbrella, encompassing a variety of dances from many regions that involve moving the hips. In 1893, an American promoter at the Chicago World's Fair coined this racy name for an assortment of female dance forms available at his pavilion. Legendary dancer 'Little Egypt' shocked the Victorian era audience with vivacious dance moves and hip and stomach gyrations. At that time women wore long, full skirts, corsets, hair covering hats and bonnets, and bustles.

     The dance form has evolved since then and Tamalyn's signature style of interpretive dance has a Flamenco flavor, which comes naturally, combined with some postures and hand movements from time spent in Asia. This fusion comes from deep within, as organic movement and personal style. She sees dance as a healing art. It heals the body, mind and the soul.